I think there must be something, about women perhaps in particular, who lost their mothers (or maybe any parent) early in life.
I think maybe we have some sense that we must continue redeeming that huge error in the world by fixing everything for the rest of our lives.
I was just watching an old show called Tru (something or other). and I can really relate to this girl.
It is also definitely transferable to my marriage.
Contrary to popular belief I don't think I'm perfect; but I do think that 9 times out of 10 I try harder than almost everyone around me.
I mean really, I work two jobs (35 hours per week) and raise my daughter full time with 8-12 hours of child care per week.
That's a lot.
And still my husband says to me, just tonight in fact, that I wouldn't last a day doing his job.
Honestly!
I think without knowing anything about it...without having gone to school for what he does (which is required of everyone who does what he does) I could do his job any day,
quicker.
with my hands tied behind my back.
So how do I act understanding, and compassionate, and loving, and supportive...in order to keep my marriage okay?
Which is what I have to do...right?
So...Mom, the source of my motivation and impetus of my need to make everything better...how do i do it? How did you do it? Why? or did you ?
it's a daily battle...is it this much of a daily battle for everyone?
I really wonder...should it be?

Obviously this blog is more for me than for anyone else.
None of my friends know I'm writing this, none of my family is aware.
I'm here to document one thing...I'm not sure what one thing it will be yet but we will all find out together.
So far I'm thinking there are two options.
This will either be the ending of my marriage, or a great story about how we figured it all out, came together and saved ourselves.
Either way I think we will have saved ourselves, I'm just not sure which way would be better.